Time is a Fickle Thing…

Time is a fickle thing. Consumed by us both religiously, unconsciously and selfishly…
Some of us suck each moment up for all its worth whilst others choose to spend too much time dwelling on something that has past. A time that we no longer have any power over, and yet we continue to carry it with us. Of course, despite our best efforts, we know that we cannot change what has already happened.
We are all guilty of this, myself included.
How ever we choose to use it, it is always there… ticking and ticking, breathing, living, consuming our every moment.

They say that we are never as young as what we are in this moment… But as this moment passes we also grow a little older. As we gain freckles, grey hairs and slowly formed wrinkles, we feel that this ever-consuming time of ours, is running out.
And so we have a choice. To embrace each moment, or let it pass.
This “circle of life” that we have been born into is hardly an option, it’s inevitable.
So of course we cannot help it, because whilst us humans would like to think that we are in control of our surroundings, of Mother Earth, and of our futures, we are constantly reminded, sometimes rather abruptly, that we are in fact not.
We are minuscule, irrelevant if you like, in the larger scheme of things.
However we are not irrelevant to ourselves… In comparison to our own lives, we are all we have, and we were born to be together.
We may not have control of what tomorrow holds, our fates are all like i said, inevitable… However we make the choice to live our lives with love, with compassion and with kindness.

Instead of playing God, instead of creating this sort of stability between right and wrong, that helps us to at least think, that we have gained control, why not let it go and choose to be here, in the now.

I am currently in India. A place where, as a Westerner, you make a choice just by coming here, to let go, to indulge in a culture so bizarrely different, that it will drive.you.crazy!
By choosing to travel through India you choose to let go of all your senses and to live in the now…. You really have no choice.
Among other things that India is, it is conscious. It is straight forward. It indulges in teaching you tough love. And, a major difference with India and anywhere else in the world that I have visited so far, is that it is incredibly open about death.
Death is not a burden. It is what happens, it is inevitable. It is addressed and it is a widely open subject. Death in India is courageous.
For death in India, is just the beginning.

I have never really dealt with much death in my life. Besides hearing of friends of friends, people I have only really known in passing, I am fortunate to not have had someone super close to me pass away.
When I was 20, I dealt with my first significant death. A beautiful, darling 6 year old girl whom I nannied for and loved dearly.

Since then everyone I love has stayed close and warm. I am thankful for this.

But in the past 5 days, me and my community back home in Sydney, have been faced with two tragic, and totally unfair deaths.
Two boys, in their early twenties, who have left our physical world way too soon.
When I heard of the first death this week, I was deeply saddened and completely in shock. This hit way to close to home, literally. Things like this, usually happening to friends of friends of friends, it’s never suppose to ACTUALLY happen to us, right?
I felt so much grief for all the beautiful souls back home who were close to this young man who’s life was only just beginning.
This morning, I woke up to another terrible death. Someone who I was closer too, someone who I spent more time with, someone who I loved to see, who I couldn’t wait to be with during my days working by his side… And someone that I knew, was a huge part of my community back home.
This news shocked us all, and effected me so much stronger than I ever could have imagined.
I have tried to make sense of this situation, now, at the end of this very long day, I have learnt to let it go. To most of us it will never make sense.
I didn’t know I would ever cry so many tears for this human. I wasn’t aware of the unintentional pain that he could cause not only me but everyone else who’s lives he touched…
For those of you who are close to him, I am so sorry. If I feel like this over this special soul, I cannot fathom the feelings that you that were much closer to him than me, feel right now.

I am not a controlling person. But I, like others, have a soft spot for knowing how things are going to turn out. I have a soft spot for at times, being in control.
As we wake up to another tragedy today, we are all reminded that we are not in control of others actions, or of mother nature and of what is inevitable.
But we are in control of how we choose to be each day, of who we choose to be each day… Who will you be? What will you do to make your life worth living? Because, in the big scheme of things, we MAY be irrelevant, but to your neighbours, to your friends, your mothers, your lovers, your brothers, your fathers… You. Are. Everything.
You are their whole worlds. And your life is worth living.

Time is a fickle thing… For some of us, we simple do not get a lot of it.

Goodbye dear boys, you are loved.

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